Shame & Vulnerability
“Shame is fear of separation from others”
Understanding Shame and Vulnerability
Structural racism, gender oppression and corporate greed conspire to exploit us and keep us locked into a cycle of shame that halts our healing, impedes our leadership and limits our ability to build and exercise power. We must understand shame and vulnerability in order to make spaces for healing in public.
Distinguishing Guilt from Shame
Guilt is about bad behavior. Shame is about SELF
Guilt is “I did something bad.” Shame is “I am bad.”
Shame and Our Race, Gender and Class Identities
How we are taught to experience shame is shaped by our race, gender and class identities. Shame is the root cause of our participation in the exploitation of our emotional labor. There are strong correlations between the ways in which people experience shame and express vulnerability, and their race/gender/class identities.
White guilt vs. White shame: What we call “white guilt” is often actually white shame and that shame can create defensiveness, white fragility behavior and block building truly anti-racist practice or deep connection. Shame implies trauma. Yet, we rarely talk about the trauma associated with white identity.
Shame for “women” is often connected to perfectionism (not being perfect in some way)
Shame for “men” is often connected to strength (or avoiding the appearance of being weak)
Class shame is precisely correlated to the shame tapes that run in each of our heads
Vulnerability is the antidote to shame.
When we believe our shame, we miss out on transformation and growth, on restoration and wholeness – namely for ourselves, but for others as well. Vulnerability is an act of courage, NOT an act of weakness.
Racial capitalism relies upon us believing our shame and playing small in the public arena, in order to operate. This is the dynamic that supports our erasure and devaluing. When we hide our shame, we erase ourselves. THIS is why it is not only critical for us to reclaim our right to be vulnerable, we must also reclaim our right to be publicly vulnerable. Public vulnerability is a subversive act. Intentional acts of public vulnerability are legitimate healing strategy and tool for transforming the public arena.
Healing Our Shame - Together
We can’t create movements that allow us to be whole, thriving people if we do not make space for healing. Just because we look strong, or look like we’re fine or like “everything is ok!” doesn’t mean we don’t need a place to fall apart, sometimes. We all need a place to heal, to politicize our pain, and to restore our inner knowing that guides how we understand and navigate the world.
Political healers works to build trauma-informed practices and healing practices into our communities and our movements. We know that a “win” is hollow if it leaves us broken and doesn’t create space to wrestle with the harm done or heal.
““Vulnerability is...emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty, to let ourselves be seen and to be honest. It fuels our daily lives. It is our most accurate measurement of courage.””
